I was using MY INNER LOVER ESSENCE to do some shadow work around repetitive cycles in my life: What if I am actually sick of feeling like the whole world ended every time someone I trust(ed) dumped some negative energy in my face? What if in rejecting them at that moment I'm sending the other person's inner child to the corner to deal by themselves along with the message 'you are not ok and can't be near me because I don't like/love you like this'? Gosh, thinking of that makes my own inner child feel isolated and broken. Can I still receive the person while not receiving their anger? The energy of rejection I shared with this person/partner/co-parent isn't what I want back from them when I am feeling big things move through me. Does other people also having anger (managed well or not) mean I am abandoned? Every time I get intimate with them I end up in a negative emotional cycle. (Intimacy = INTO-*ME*-I-SEE = it's MY cycle) If this person isn't actually abusive, why am I spending so much time talking about Them and not My response, my addiction to that negative emotional cycle? That cycle that will probably cause me to make someone else the new the 'perpetrator' in order to continue if I do not stand up to my ways right Now. Confront the FEAR that the person I truly desire will pass me by that totally attacks my consciousness and cause me to push everything away. (All that is For me will never pass me by.) What does my Pleasure (capital P) and my soul tell me? Can I claim my energy, my desires AND MY COMPASSION FOR MYSELF AND OTHERS in ALL the moments life brings me? I feel THAT is my inner lover in action. I AM ONLY AVAILABLE TO MY OWN HIGHEST EXPRESSION AND FOR THE MOVING OF ALL ENERGIES LESS THAN THIS. I AM NO LONGER AVAILABLE TO REJECTING MYSELF AND/OR OTHERS BECASUE OF MY OWN FEARS, WOUNDS AND TRIGGERS. I CHOOSE TO DIVE MORE AND MORE DEEPLY INTO LOVE - SEXUAL & PLATONIC. I CHOOSE TO ALLOW MY SOUL TO GUIDE MY DISCERNMENT ON THIS, NOT MY VICTIM. I AM NOT AVAILABLE TO BELIEVE LIFE HAS EVER ABANDONED ME. I AM NO LONGER AVAILABLE TO SHUTTING MY MOUTH OR ARGUING. I AM AVAILABLE TO KIND, COMPASSIONATE WORDS IN THE HEAT OF THE MOMENT. AND TO BE CLEAR: In taking our accountability to another person and it is ALSO THEIR job to take a portion of responsibility for themselves. If they use that opportunity become victimized, dive deeply into our 'wrongness', make 'you always and you never' statements or use our own accountability as a way to make the situation all your fault — IT GOES NO FURTHER. WHAT ELSE COULD WE TRY TO 'WIN' THERE, WHERE THE ONLY POTENTIAL IS LOST? RECIPROCAL ACCOUNTABILITY = ENERGETIC RESPONSIBILITY!

Posted by Cholena, SatMom at 2025-02-28 17:02:48 UTC